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What Would You Give Up For Internet

04/18/2012 by C.

Imagine a world with very limited Internet access. So limited that you would have to give up something to get the access you have now. What would you be willing to part with?

A recent study by the Boston Consulting Group asked that question to people around the globe. It is pretty incredible what people said they would give up for their Internet. Here are some of the results from the U.S. people polled.

21% would stop having sex. I thought about this long and hard…I think it would depend on a few things. Would I be giving up sex with someone like Bradley Cooper or would it be the normal sex I have which consists of bribing men out of the homeless shelter and into my car, all for the promise of a Papa John’s pizza and a pack Marlboros. That would make a huge difference.

83% said they would stop eating fast food. Surely this cannot be accurate. I don’t think they explained the rules to the participants. You are giving up something FOREVER. We all know you will get a craving for some McNuggets and your Internet privileges will be revoked. Besides, what will you feed your children??

77% would give up chocolate. Some people are just damn nuts. There are certain days of the month I would chop off a finger in exchange for a Snickers bar that I can dip into a hot fudge sundae while hooked to a feeding tube pumping in chocolate fondue while taking a bath in chocolate pudding. Don’t knock it until you try it.

73% say they would stop drinking alcoholic beverages. I could give up the bottle for Internet access easy because mixing booze with all the crazy pills I am on results in a highly dangerous situation. Now ask me if I would give up my crazy pills…HELL NO!

43% would give up exercising. Yea, no shit. If you are so addicted to sitting in front of your computer and pinning pictures of shit you will never ever have, you won’t have any problems whatsoever giving up a session with your personal trainer. Personally, if walking from my couch to the fridge and back doesn’t count as exercise I am not getting any anyways. Exercise be gone! Pinterest here I come!

Last but not least…7% would stop taking showers/baths. I think these are the people that live in their parent’s basement and play World of Warcraft all day and all nightlong. Walking upstairs for a shower would take far too much energy and time away from the other Orcs (I shall never tell how I know what an Orc is).

So here are the things I would give up for some Internet…

Exercise

Booze

My life-size stand-up of Adam Lambert (it would be sooooo hard to part with but how would I chat with all my Glambert sisters without internet access???).

Sleep apnea machine

My bad ass BB gun.

I think that is about it. What would you give up for unlimited surfing??


2 Comments

  1. Grumpy says:

    Take my wife.

  2. Chanin Bissinger says:

    LOL I wonder how many men would say they would give up their spouse…for that matter I wonder how many women would give up their men…

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