A Pennsylvania woman says she was fired from her job for wearing a prosthetic penis to work. Pauline Davis, 45, had been contemplating gender reassignment and had hoped wearing the penis would help her make a decision.
Dumb Pauline told several of her co-workers that she was wearing a fake penis to work and they reported her to management. Davis was fired and is now suing J&J Snack Foods Corp. for back pay, damages for suffering and humiliation and punitive damages. If this woman wins any money from this case, I swear I am going to get a fake penis and tell every single person at work I am packing. I would like to get a new car soon and that money could come in handy. If the courts are willing to hand out money on this one, I think I stand a great chance of having a new car by August.
We don’t know the full story here. Maybe she thought the people she told were her friends and she told them in confidence. Or maybe she ran up and down the assembly line screaming, “I got me a wiener! Wanna see?” Hard to judge when we don’t have all the facts.
I think the lesson we should take away from this is to just keep quiet about such things. We are a country of over-sharers these days. It doesn’t seem to matter what the issue is, everyone is going to know about it either on Facebook or Twitter. I really don’t care to hear you successfully took a crap or about the sexy time you had with your girlfriend. Just nasty.
So for those of you out there that need a little guidance I have come up with a list of things that you probably shouldn’t share at work.
1. That you plan on spending your Friday night in your underpants watching “Toddlers and Tiaras”.
2. That the Mexican food you had for lunch has produced 3 gallons of diarrhea.
3. Banging the bosses’ wife.
4. You were so drunk last weekend that your friends said you pissed in your birdbath and passed out for the night under a tree in your front yard.
5. It is so hot in the office you have decided not to wear panties.
6. That your blow-up doll should arrive in the mail today and you are so excited about it.
7. The doctor said the oozy rash you have on your butt is highly contagious and he prays you have not been using public restrooms.
8. You don’t smell like cat pee from doing meth, you actually live with 30 cats. “But if you need some meth, I can get you some.”
So remember everyone, loose lips and zippers sink ships and may have you working at McDonald’s next week.